U Wot ?

I don’t know what this country is coming to, I really don’t.

Today I got an email from someone on a bigger salary saying “Yes, I think your right”. I wanted to print it off and stride up to them, thump it down on their desk with the offending phrase highlighted with a yellow florescent marker and in a polite but very firm voice say:

“It’s not ’your right’, it’s ‘you’re right’ as you have abbreviated the words ‘you are‘. Please check future emails for any grammatical errors before sending.”

Needless to say, I didn’t take any such action as my place on this particular food chain is far too lowly to take those in the higher echelons to task in this way. I just scanned my inbox for further, similar horrors and found a startling array of awful “text speak” abbreviations, bad spacing and garishly coloured fonts and signatures. I appreciate that time is of the essence in almost all jobs, but does typing ‘please’ instead of ‘plse’ and ‘thanks’ or ‘thank you’ instead of ‘thx’ really take that much longer ?

I guess it must do, but I do find it a little depressing that standards appear to be dropping in this way. Apparently even school examiners are allowing various abbreviations as long as it somehow contains the correct answer or a valid argument. How can we expect those leaving school to be able to fill in a job application if they think “2 b r nt 2 be dat iz de q” is an acceptable way to write one of Shakespear’s most famous lines ?

Or is this just a part of some Government conspiracy to generate a nation of slow witted, bad spellers too stupid to object ?

Probably.

By the way, I don’t expect the above to be 100% correct grammatically, so feel free to point out any errors.

How VERY Brighton !

The very Brighton among us cycle to a job for a worthy cause every morning, stopping off for some ethically sourced coffee on the way before dropping the empty cup in the recycling facility of the energy efficient, ergonomically designed office.

Those of us who continue to pollute the planet on the way to work keep our consciences at bay by doing a bit of token car sharing. It’s just a case of finding someone who currently lives close enough to the office to walk and tempting them with the chance a safe haven on a rainy day. This coupled together with being able to have an extra gossip about how unreasonable the boss is and how we’re the only ones who do any work will be too much for most to resist. Maybe that makes us only slightly rather than very Brighton, or maybe not at all. Whatever it makes us, we get a parking space by the door and a few less steps to walk to and from our desks.

Ok, tongue ever so slightly in cheek at this point, but I’m sure you see where I‘m coming from. If you live in Brighton, you have to have your finger on the environmental pulse and do your bit for the cause - and then if you’re really good, have the pulse as part of a healthy lunch.

I try and do my share on the green front, but I guess if I’m honest I don’t tend to get all that far. Food wise, I had some organic sausages at a friends once, but apart from that, I guiltily push a trolley round a supermarket and hope it didn’t make an entire generation of badgers homeless to be built. Fingers crossed their mission statement is at the very least printed on recycled paper.

When it comes to public transport, have you seen the price of a bus ticket recently?

As published in the Autumn edition of "The Local Voice"

You're 'aving a larf aincha ?

Ok, the above is the sort of thing normally only said in Eastenders during discussions over whose got the 'ump and who currently owns half "The Vic", however, I've felt like saying it a good few times recently, whilst feeling a tad ripped off.

Fair enough everyone needs to make money, however non-materialistic we may be. At the end of the day we all need to eat and keep a roof over our heads if at all possible. Having said that, I did feel that £8 was a little steep to stand in the freezing cold to watch fireworks. Admittedly they were very good fireworks but when they wanted £3 off me for something to eat as well, I thought enough was enough and decided to keep my hands in my pockets. This was done A) so it kept them warmish and B) it helped stave off the desire to wallop one of the luminous jacketed marshals over the injustice of it all.

I guess calling this sort of situation a blatant con could be seen as a little over the top. Getting a cardboard box in the post with a big X drawn on the top in black marker pen is a better description of a con. Especially when what you were really expecting was the ultimate gaming console, picked up for a song on some online auction site - true story, thankfully not mine !

However, my evening of craning my neck skywards to watch the fireworks, while cursing those lucky enough to be leaning over their balconies to enjoy the spectacle from the comfort of their well placed abodes did make me think the exploding gunpowder could also sound like money going in the till.

They say a fool and his money are soon parted, but while I don’t see myself as being greener than the average cabbage, I could feel my hackles rising more than normal. I had been in a very similar cash disappearing situation only the week before during a trip to London. I had been up to the smoke to see those "Rock Gods" Keane and I came home thinking that while I had had a really good time, I must have missed the billowing black cloak, tricorn hat, the sound of galloping hooves and someone shouting "stand and deliver" as they blatantly committed highway robbery on me. £3 for an almost uneatable burger and don't get me started on how they managed to get the price of a brandy and coke up to over £7.……

I think I’ll have a few nights in until I’ve regained my losses. Either that or I’ll open a burger van !