Hello, is that God........?

"Hello, is that God?…...oh, is He there at all?…... just need a quick word, shouldn’t take too long...…will He know what it’s regarding?…...it’s quite possible He might do, but I’d rather speak to Him...…who’s calling?…...it’s Mister H…...yes, that’s right…...Brighton…...well Hove actually...…sorry, that’s a bit of a local gag...…Hove is regarded as being a bit more...…yes I agree it’s not really relevant at the moment…...oh you’ll see if He is in for me, thank you very much…...yes I’ll hold…...Hello, God?...…thank you for taking my call, I just wanted a quick word really…...2008 seems to have gone awfully fast and I was just wondering if you could give me the heads up as it were and throw me a quick ‘fyi’ for 2009, kind of let me hit the...…why am I talking like what?…...I heard someone say ‘heads up’ at work…...just sort of means...…being given information early…...‘fyi’ stands for ‘for your information’…...yes I could have just said that in the first place…...sorry…...maybe if people slowed down a bit and stopped talking gibberish, time might not seem to go so fast?...…well you do have a point there I must say…...and what was that?...…stop watching so much what on the television? …...oh, that’s what I thought you said, wasn’t sure if I heard you correctly…...you’re right though, there does seem to be a lot of boll…...I mean, rubbish on there...…yes, I’ve had enough of endless repeats of "Friends" too......also people need to start living properly, rather than just watching telly and whinging that time goes by too quickly?…...could seem a bit harsh…..yes you’re right, I did ask...…heading for the sales on Boxing Day doesn’t count as ‘getting a life’ you say?...…they could close for the whole of Christmas, that’s very true…...supply and demand maybe...…no, I guess it wouldn’t be so bad if they left the decorations up…...Easter eggs on the shelves before New Year’s Eve doesn’t make sense, you’re quite right and I’m not sure why it happens either......just like Christmas cards on sale in October…...it all comes down to making money I guess, but such things do seem to psychologically accelerate the pace somewhat…...from what you say it’s our own fault...…what was that about your Son’s birthday?…...you’d like us to remember it this year…...eating a lot and falling over drunk doesn’t count you say...…fair enough, I’ll see what I can do...…and a Merry Christmas to you too!"

As published in The Kemptown Rag.